The Grass Is Always Greener

[r2somewhere]

If you get 'heart attack' if kid marries non Indian or decides to not have kids, then you should not have moved to the US in the first place. Move to US should have not been done for pure greed reasons while ignoring cultural issues.

[nodegree]

Yeah tough pill to swallow i.e. spending that kinda dough to get basic amenities which you get for free in the US. Similar vein, I will have to spend crazy amounts for schooling my kids while the same thing costs effectively zero in the US.

I hope you do not end up like few of my friends who decided to LIA. They are in deep s**** to put it in mild terms.

Here is one case: Father about my age and taken on student loan of two kids ($300K plus). Still carrying mortgage due to high cost in BA. Elder kid (30+) working for a startup but not getting salary for past few months. Stays separately in an apartment and Desi father footing his rent bill. Keeps the heater turned down to save on utility. Cannot hope to retire due to need for insurance. I could quit and move back before 65, poor chap is still working his a** off. Forget about kid taking care of parents, here it is the other way round. And this guy is from top school in India with masters in US. Had he stayed back in India he would have been better off as India values degree from top schools. Now he is like a trishanku - neither here nor there.

If you are like American father who cut off their kids at 18, then you will not be in this position. But most of the first gen parents are not like Americans. Do not under estimate what life will throw at you as you and kids grow older in an alien land/culture.

Another case family moved to US in 1978. The son at 41 still single and stays with parents. May be local dating scene did not work and with lack of AM left to live as single. In India he would have been happily married and made his parents grandparents. In India most people get married unless you want to remain single. So just don't think about school cost but take a look at larger picture of life. Will your kids study well and get into a well paid position, will they remain single forever and so on? One cannot predict what will happen but should be prepared to face such non-financial things.

Outside India professional life is good (education, job, money) but personal life (marriage, kids, family) may get royally screwed. Kids may end up marrying non-Indian and some parents will get heart attack if this happens. One should consider the whole picture instead of trivial stuff like dogs, garbage and traffic. I know friends in Singapore, Dubai and other non-western countries where the life threw a curve ball at them (from kid's perspective). They are all super rich but family life is in tatters, rather you can call it dysfunctional.

Indeed, life always keeps throwing curveballs. There is no way of knowing how kids will study or their careers - just too many unknown unknowns. Moot point about them marrying a non-Indian though since DW is already non-Indian and they're only half Indian.

[desi4ever]

Most of us go thru the same syndrome with these 'soft' items. But for me, the hard item of affordability makes India a no-go. Ain't paying millions of dollars just to have access to a community pool, fitness center and stray-dogs free dining and walking trails. I can get the same for 100K USD where I live in the US.

Yes, assisted living is cheap as of now since it's a fledgling industry. Not sure if it would remain that way but definitely it's going to be cheaper than in the US. Worst case, that's always an option. But not going to sacrifice around 30 years of worry-free living for 2 years of end-of-life care.

One solution could be move to India like OS2 did ( enjoy your by 2 coffee, dosae etc and keep complaining about India in your mind like nodegree , when you visit the US keep praising India with your LIA friends - this should give a good ego boost even though you may be crying inside )- stay there as long as you can shuttle back and forth between India and US and when you no longer cannot, move to US RH that kids can visit. Of course with good amount of $$$ all this is possible.

[SAPPORO]

Most of us go thru the same syndrome with these 'soft' items. But for me, the hard item of affordability makes India a no-go. Ain't paying millions of dollars just to have access to a community pool, fitness center and stray-dogs free dining and walking trails. I can get the same for 100K USD where I live in the US.

Yes, assisted living is cheap as of now since it's a fledgling industry. Not sure if it would remain that way but definitely it's going to be cheaper than in the US. Worst case, that's always an option. But not going to sacrifice around 30 years of worry-free living for 2 years of end-of-life care.

One solution could be move to India like OS2 did ( enjoy your by 2 coffee, dosae etc and keep complaining about India in your mind like nodegree , when you visit the US keep praising India with your LIA friends - this should give a good ego boost even though you may be crying inside )- stay there as long as you can shuttle back and forth between India and US and when you no longer cannot, move to US RH that kids can visit. Of course with good amount of $$$ all this is possible.

I chose LIA for its affordability in apples-to-apples comparison. I would have considered this circus a couple of years ago and not anymore.
Even for RH/AL, look at the current costs in your neighborhood and if you can afford to pay it now, you can afford it to pay for it 20-30 years after as well.

[desi4ever]

I chose LIA for its affordability in apples-to-apples comparison. I would have considered this circus a couple of years ago and not anymore.
Even for RH/AL, look at the current costs in your neighborhood and if you can afford to pay it now, you can afford it to pay for it 20-30 years after as well.

Sure, the bang for the buck is greater here , but you know NRI minds wants best of both worlds and thus most end up with thoughts like nodegree. OS2 has somehow pulled it - All he needs to do now is to get his strength in back to load dishes while he is in the US. Otherwise Bhagyarajam Padams will keep him entertained.

[nodegree]

I chose LIA for its affordability in apples-to-apples comparison. I would have considered this circus a couple of years ago and not anymore.
Even for RH/AL, look at the current costs in your neighborhood and if you can afford to pay it now, you can afford it to pay for it 20-30 years after as well.

Sure, the bang for the buck is greater here , but you know NRI minds wants best of both worlds and thus most end up with thoughts like nodegree. OS2 has somehow pulled it - All he needs to do now is to get his strength in back to load dishes while he is in the US. Otherwise Bhagyarajam Padams will keep him entertained.

Rich NRIs, especially the ones that live in Bay Area can easily afford some domestic help in US. I don't think OS2 R2I'ed for the sake of finding cheap labor but instead had other social reasons.

[SAPPORO]

I chose LIA for its affordability in apples-to-apples comparison. I would have considered this circus a couple of years ago and not anymore.
Even for RH/AL, look at the current costs in your neighborhood and if you can afford to pay it now, you can afford it to pay for it 20-30 years after as well.

Sure, the bang for the buck is greater here , but you know NRI minds wants best of both worlds and thus most end up with thoughts like nodegree. OS2 has somehow pulled it - All he needs to do now is to get his strength in back to load dishes while he is in the US. Otherwise Bhagyarajam Padams will keep him entertained.

Not sure what's the 'best' of the other world especially if you're an NRI in your 50s. Super senior relatives in 80s and 90s, their disgruntled and diseased adult children having extreme RE disputes with their siblings and their children with their spouses that invariably work in IT and sleep during the day! All you get is Idli with sambar, Chapati with Chutney and Akki roti with pickle when you visit them and worse we are expected to take sides in their internal family politics

[desi4ever]

Not sure what's the 'best' of the other world especially if you're an NRI in your 50s. Super senior relatives in 80s and 90s, their disgruntled and diseased adult children having extreme RE disputes with their siblings and their children with their spouses that invariably work in IT and sleep during the day! All you get is Idli with sambar, Chapati with Chutney and Akki roti with pickle when you visit them and worse we are expected to take sides in their internal family politics

Let me do a SAPPRO on SAPPRO. Look India as a world outside of the grumpy relatives. Travel, eat out , rent an airbnb or long term service apartment when you visit ), go to places you havent been to - Sikkim , Himachala , etc. If you are religiously inclined, there are so many Kshethras in very beautiful locations.

BTW Chapathi with Chutney is not a bad combo

[SAPPORO]

Not sure what's the 'best' of the other world especially if you're an NRI in your 50s. Super senior relatives in 80s and 90s, their disgruntled and diseased adult children having extreme RE disputes with their siblings and their children with their spouses that invariably work in IT and sleep during the day! All you get is Idli with sambar, Chapati with Chutney and Akki roti with pickle when you visit them and worse we are expected to take sides in their internal family politics

Let me do a SAPPRO on SAPPRO. Look India as a world outside of the grumpy relatives. Travel, eat out , rent an airbnb or long term service apartment when you visit ), go to places you havent been to - Sikkim , Himachala , etc. If you are religiously inclined, there are so many Kshethras in very beautiful locations.

BTW Chapathi with Chutney is not a bad combo

Grumpy relatives? why're you putting words into my mouth? They're relatives, just lots and lots of them, multi-generational and all seeking validation.

We just visited Rajasthan for a week, palaces were nice, but my personal best was https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jagdish_Temple,_Udaipur for its architecture and sculptures. One has to climb 32 steps to get to the temple but there's utter chaos and traffic right underneath- that place is not for the faint-hearted. Also, had to dodge a lot of people trying to 'sell' God to an easy prey with a king-size Kinley, this is the major issue with visiting kshetras if you don't expect to go to heaven with a 'holy' dip in dirty waters (not religious)- certainly not in my future plans. Barring temples, one then quickly runs out of places to visit that are unique to India.

Moreover, travel has become expensive and increasingly inconvenient to say the least. Do you know Indigo doesn't even provide water unless you ask for it? The fares were not cheap either, $120 each way even though it was booked 3 months in advance. I can fly up and down east coast for $60 RT and 2 free checked bags with their credit card. The less said about road travel in India the better especially if one can't drive. The "last mile" travel to all the beautiful locations becomes a challenge since I end up staring at the driver all the time to ensure they're not dozing off, to give them some break only when they want/have to gorge on gutkha allegedly to stay awake!

Notable exceptions to the rules above are Tirupati - what a clean and safe ride to the hills, and Mysore with relatively less traffic and generally laid-back. At Mysore, I was even treated to a typical "Girl-dekho" from my DW's relatives, with sojji, bajji and filter coffee. I even had the gall to ask my wife to sing a devotional song that typically happens during such events!

Regardless, SAPPRO has been sugar-coating stressful India trips for quite some time by travel - he even 'reenacted' his honeymoon a couple of years ago in Mahabaleshwar and would continue to do so in future 'obligatory' trips.

For pure vacation travel, southern Europe seems much cheaper and better - have you been to Malaga?

BTW, Chapati with chutney is not bad unless you keep thinking 'that's not it" and waiting for something else during the meal.