To Bee or not to Bee; RBee's buzzes

[SAPPORO]

In Tamil homes a widow has to shave her head, wear white sari covering her bald head and cannot wear bindi or jewelleries. Usually required to stay out of sight when some auspicious event happens in the house. This was pre-1980s. A sumangali need not go through all this depressing act, so it is considered good for wife to go before husband.

Right. These days, Widows dont do it. When my dad passed 10 years ago , nobody ever thought of these things or made my mom do these things. She continued to lead her normal life. Same with my aunts ( her sisters ) after they lost their husbands. So this sumangali death is overrated. I think that's what Rbee was trying to say.

It's not a walk-in-the-park for widows just because the egregious customs are no longer practiced widely. In most cases, all the assets are in the deceased husband's name and transferred to the children after the usual fights. In many cases, they are in the dark about the financial situation since they don't/can't take active part in the financial decisions, to begin with. So, they are dependent on their child(ren) for the rest of their lives exacerbated by the fact that they live much longer than typical widowers and they are soft at heart.

Unfortunately, it will take a couple of generations before the "Sumangali death" in India is totally overrated.

[RBee]

My mother was a working woman for 34 years; she got the court job at 24 and worked till her retirement at 58. She is managing her pension, property taxes, frequent changes in rules by Indian/state govt, bank accounts,, whatsapp messages etc on her own for many years. My sisters help her on decisions she cannot take on her own. We are blessed to have her after dad’s departure and not lose both parents at once.

She along with Dad raised 4 girls, gave them education to stand on their own legs and her to say ‘Your MIL was a pure soul, hence she attained ‘Sumangali’ death and I must have done so many sins this life and past life that I have to live as widow’ is such a defeatist attitude and encourage patriarchy to continue IMO!

So women who die as Sumangalis can do million bad things in their life time but the moment they die before their husband, they achieved Moksha (liberation)?

Anyway all this Moksha, Paapa(sins), Punya(virtues) are bunkum/nonsense to me. Sadgurus/Swamijis/Believers can wax eloquence on this till cows come home but I will never be convinced !!

[SAPPORO]

My mother was a working woman for 34 years; she got the court job at 24 and worked till her retirement at 58. She is managing her pension, property taxes, frequent changes in rules by Indian/state govt, bank accounts,, whatsapp messages etc on her own for many years. My sisters help her on decisions she cannot take on her own. We are blessed to have her after dad’s departure and not lose both parents at once.

She along with Dad raised 4 girls, gave them education to stand on their own legs and her to say ‘Your MIL was a pure soul, hence she attained ‘Sumangali’ death and I must have done so many sins this life and past life that I have to live as widow’ is such a defeatist attitude and encourage patriarchy to continue IMO!

So women who die as Sumangalis can do million bad things in their life time but the moment they die before their husband, they achieved Moksha (liberation)?

Anyway all this Moksha, Paapa(sins), Punya(virtues) are bunkum/nonsense to me. Sadgurus/Swamijis/Believers can wax eloquence on this till cows come home but I will never be convinced !!

Obviously, all of this is nonsense. My DW's grandma passed away at 98 and was a widow for 50+ years but was lucky to have seen great-great-grandkids and was able to recollect the birthdays of everyone even 15 days before her death, when we met her. Good for her that she didn't pass away as a Sumangali!

Swamijis and the society have mostly moved on from egregious customs related to widows, but the women themselves have by and large perpetuated this 'Sumangali' thingy. We are just trying to figure out where they are coming from.

I guess it's just a variation of Isaiah 57-1.
https://biblehub.com/isaiah/57-1.htm
"The righteous perish, and no one takes it to heart; the devout are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil."