wd40,
Money is not everything IMO. TLDR, so please read the below at your own peril
I was born in lower lower middle class family. My parents wanted one boy but we were 4 girls. Mom is SSLC pass, dad didn’t have degree either and had to drop out at BCom first year due to lack of funds. Mom had learnt typing. Those days to get government job, one needed either to belong to backward caste(so get job due to reservation) or bribe or use influence. Parents didn’t have first two but my mom’s maternal uncle was a magistrate. So he must have felt pity at our family’s plight,so with his influence, mom got the job as typist in local court which is state government job. Dad was not so lucky, so he worked as an accountant in a grocery store run by Jains( Originally from Gujarat but they migrated to our tier-3 town due to business). Dad was not paid well, so he valued education very highly and he used to ask us study well everyday.
They hoped for one boy atleast, so kept trying and finally stopped at 4
. I don’t blame them on why they went for 4 because my mere existence is owed to them due to their indulgence. My whole childhood till I went to engineering was used clothes/school uniforms/books/chappals/shoes/compass box passed over to me by immediate elder sister. Except eldest sister, none of us got anything new
. But there is no bitterness as whatever parents could not fulfill financially, they made it up with love as I was a very happy child. Education’s importance was instilled to us from childhood, so none of us failed in any year. My eldest sister (the certified brainiac of my maternal family) and I (last child) were blessed in education, so we were toppers in school. She stood 1st in BSc and MSc in Mathematics to the whole university(She has 2 gold medals displayed in her showcase even now) . She wanted to do PhD too but since she was eldest, parents put pressure on her to get married as behind her were us 3. My all 3 elder sisters got married to business families and they all live in India. After their marriage, (mom’s salary was decent then), so they agreed when I asked permission to do engg. plus I had merit scholarship too, so cost was not much those days; I also wanted to study in US after my BE ! I had just finished my BE and was working as lecturer in the same college I studied(Those days engg.colleges used to hire top ranked BE students to teach 1st year and used to send them to masters through colleges after 2-3 years, now I don’t know if they need Masters in the beginning itself; there was no campus recruitment by MNCs yet in our engg college). My plan was to clear GRE/TOEFL while teaching and somehow arrange the funds to come to US. But God/fate had other destiny. My Mama (uncle, my mom’s brother) brought this alliance. My DH had come to US in 1995 to do his Masters and 1997 after finishing his MS had a job. His family came to see my uncle’s daughter and DH didn’t like her. So instead of losing the alliance all together, my uncle brought them to our home saying sister’s youngest daughter just finished engg. and may be you will like her. DH says I was very good looking (I think at 21, all girls look beautiful I digress). In any case, it was love at first sight for my DH is his take. His family was comparatively very rich in 1997(they had 2 cars, palatial home, gold/diamond etc). My DH didn’t want to go to family business, so he went to engg and then MS. But in Indian society and arranged marriage scene, status is very important to groom’s families if they have upper hand and to bride’s families if they have upper hand. That’s why even after these many decades of movie making, rich girl loving poor boy, rich boy loving poor girl stories are still hits
. I was very naive, I didn’t really understand what the fuss was; 30-40 mins we talked in ice-cream parlor was enough for me to believe in fairy love stories. DH managed to convince his parents and marriage did happen. He must have told she is a rank student,she will do MS as soon as she comes to US, she will work after her studies, their current status doesn’t matter yada yada..MIL agreed but she made sure to let me know that how I should be grateful for picking me up from such class divide!! I passed MS in flying colors, worked in Fortune 500 companies since 2000 but till 3-4 years before her death, she made me aware that I didn’t know branded stuff, didn’t know how to behave infront of guests, my parents were too timid to speak properly etc etc. And this all happened in front of me/my parents and not in front of my DH. He thought that his sweet mom was not happy with this alliance initially but she forgot all that due to my ‘good’ behavior
. So I stopped complaining to him. I was always fun loving , movie loving, loving company to crack jokes, bargain loving etc but in their family, this is low class behavior.
After earning millions, I really believed I would have been more happy if I was in India like my sisters. We both are good in our software careers, so would have earned good money in Pune/Mumbai/BLR/Hyderabad cities so kept pressuring DH to return when kids were small but he kept postponing. Then in-laws passed away and now he has just his older brother. BIL and Bhabhi(my co-sister) are very distant to us. MIL passed away in 2014 December, FIL in 2020 and in 5 years, they don’t even call us once and contact is maintained by DJ=H through whatsapp and 1 hr visit when he comes to India! FIL had stayed with us for few months before his demise but didn’t leave a single asset to my DH as he passed away before writing his will. We have enough and don’t need a single penny but DH felt his own father disowned him and spiralled after FIL’s demise. We had to stay separate for few months due to his irrational behavior as he blamed me for the bad luck and saying that marrying him was good luck to me but marrying me with family opposition was bad luck to him. He even raised his fist at me in one such heated moment and that was the moment, my self esteem could not take it anymore. Later his better sense of judgment prevailed, his regular therapies helped, our kids' happiness was most important to both of us, so we got back together and stay together now.
These days I volunteer, I watch movies/shows with him but will watch the ones I like even if there is no company which I would not have done before, I do not argue with my DH on whatever pricey items he buys, I take India trips alone when he refuses to accompany. I still love him, I think he too still loves me as today he took me out for lunch saying women deserve pampering on women’s day. But some wounds are too deep to heal in short time; I miss my earlier ‘naive' version who would have felt ecstatic at such gesture before!!!
So if someone says money/status/high post in career are very important for one’s self esteem and to develop passion/hobbies etc, they should walk in my shoes too.
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) but they too engage in creative pursuits that interest them.