R2I Club Member Hangout

nodegree wrote: ↑Sat Sep 21, 2024 1:31 am Bill Bryson, famous American-British author who was born and raised in US, but spent most of his adult life in the UK decided to go back 'home' to the US in late 1990s and wrote articles about his experiences which were later published as a book Notes from a big country. His 'return' to home only lasted 8 years after which he decided to move back to the UK. He concluded that one cannot truly 'go back home', no matter how much you try.

Forget about moving from one country to other - my parents and their extended relatives have similar troubles when they go back to their native villages after living in the city for decades. Their concept of "native place" in their village doesn't exist anymore, it's a thing of the past. The people there moved on, the rituals are forgotten and the hierarchies are re-established. Some of them decide to live there anyways, form a new life, start new relationships but some move back to the all familiar city.

In his book Notes from a big country, almost every other chapter is a huge rant about the way things are in America. After his wife jokingly tells him that his book is nothing but a bitch fest on USA, the author makes a great argument. It's not that he is trying to argue that the USA is a bad place compared to the UK, but more so that he starts noticing "quirky" things about his own 'home culture' or place of upbringing that he never paid attention to before.

wd40 wrote: ↑Fri Sep 20, 2024 9:15 pm I have been a member of Desi Returns groups and have heard of tonnes of stories, 90% are US NRIs and about 9% are UK, AU, EU NRIs.
Hardly any gulf or Singapore NRIs.

I realized one thing; majority of the people who are interested in R2I are from the US, which actually seems counter intuitive. US has the best economy and opportunities compared to other countries. Also it is not like all Indian NRIs live in the US. Huge population of NRIs live in Gulf and Singapore etc and I never see them participate in R2I discussions or have a dilemma.

The conclusion I came to is that the US NRIs who have already acquired citizenship are not doing true return home to India. They are just looking for a short term expat posting to India until their kids reach college and then either only their kids move back or the whole family moves back to the US.

So although the forums say Desi returns or Return to India, it is not truely a return to India. It is more like; I have my US passport, house in US, 401K, kids life set in the US. But let me try to see if I and my kids can connect with my roots for a few years. So this is why there is dilemma.

The vast majority of NRIs who live in the gulf or Singapore have no dilemma. They work there until their visa runs out and then are forced to return to India. It seems nobody wants to return to India on their own. Very very few people return on their own, but they dont have any dilemma, plan on their own and they make the move.

The people who are in Dilemma are those who really have no strong reason or intention to move. They just feel a bit out of place in the US, mid life crisis and then contemplate of R2I.

My advise to such people, treat it as what it is, an expat posting. Move to India for few years like how American expats move to Asia to improve their resume and then promptly return back.

Dont call it R2I, semi-R2I etc when you are not really committed to make the move and have more backup options and bondings holding you back than you have connections in India. It is bound to fail and then please dont blame India, saying it is bad place and blah blah blah. You are not an Indian in the 1st place, maybe you have Indian roots, thats all. There is no reason for India to change for your sake. You need to convert yourself from an American back to an Indian, if you really want R2I to succeed.

social wrote: ↑Sat Sep 21, 2024 4:53 pm

wd40 wrote: ↑Fri Sep 20, 2024 9:15 pm I have been a member of Desi Returns groups and have heard of tonnes of stories, 90% are US NRIs and about 9% are UK, AU, EU NRIs.
Hardly any gulf or Singapore NRIs.

I realized one thing; majority of the people who are interested in R2I are from the US, which actually seems counter intuitive. US has the best economy and opportunities compared to other countries. Also it is not like all Indian NRIs live in the US. Huge population of NRIs live in Gulf and Singapore etc and I never see them participate in R2I discussions or have a dilemma.

The conclusion I came to is that the US NRIs who have already acquired citizenship are not doing true return home to India. They are just looking for a short term expat posting to India until their kids reach college and then either only their kids move back or the whole family moves back to the US.

So although the forums say Desi returns or Return to India, it is not truely a return to India. It is more like; I have my US passport, house in US, 401K, kids life set in the US. But let me try to see if I and my kids can connect with my roots for a few years. So this is why there is dilemma.

The vast majority of NRIs who live in the gulf or Singapore have no dilemma. They work there until their visa runs out and then are forced to return to India. It seems nobody wants to return to India on their own. Very very few people return on their own, but they dont have any dilemma, plan on their own and they make the move.

The people who are in Dilemma are those who really have no strong reason or intention to move. They just feel a bit out of place in the US, mid life crisis and then contemplate of R2I.

My advise to such people, treat it as what it is, an expat posting. Move to India for few years like how American expats move to Asia to improve their resume and then promptly return back.

Dont call it R2I, semi-R2I etc when you are not really committed to make the move and have more backup options and bondings holding you back than you have connections in India. It is bound to fail and then please dont blame India, saying it is bad place and blah blah blah. You are not an Indian in the 1st place, maybe you have Indian roots, thats all. There is no reason for India to change for your sake. You need to convert yourself from an American back to an Indian, if you really want R2I to succeed.

I would beg to differ. Almost everyone has similar reasons to go back (aging parents, kids growing up completely or high westernized, longing for belongingness, house help, financial security, old friends, extended family etc.) and dilemma exists because US is such a coveted place due to it's lifestyle, financial success your kids can achieve (Accept it, finances will always be on our minds as Indians. We consider success in terms of financial success and not in any other way.), leaving $$$s behind which you could still be making, quality of life and education and sports (They have developed world class infrastructure for everything). While on one hand you have tons of emotional reasons, on the other hand, you have tons of physical well-being reasons and that's what results in the huge dilemma.

It's not like R2I folks want to change india. They now are in a position to feel and make those stark differences and compare things. And we all know it's human nature to compare and comparison is a thief of joy. Not everyone is mentally mature and strong enough to easily overcome that. It takes a lot of courage and time.

Calling it a expat posting is a disservice to the whole process since the pain and suffering you have to go through to make R2I happen and the uncertainties it brings is nothing compared to expat posting. Very few people have easy transition re: job, housing, finances etc. Expat posting is truly the easier exploration and more of a vacation because you are going with your job and financial future secured, your housing and other things are taken care of and most of the things like city etc are already decided for you.

With people who are settled in USA, having citizenship and house and 401ks etc gives them a peace of mind while dealing with these uncertainties and it is always better to have that than not and no, it does not make the dilemma any easier.