To Bee or not to Bee; RBee's buzzes

[RBee]

This is my diary to post my thoughts (however fleeting/random they might be)

[RBee]

My obsession to R2I started way back in 2000 when my DS was still not born.
Now DD is 24 and DS is 22 but we are still here in US

In this span of 26 years of US life, FIL/MIL/Dad have left us

But India still has my mom, my older sisters and one BIL(and his wife) from husband's side. Niece/Nephews are not very close.

I now dream of returning when we retire. DH who turned 50 (about to turn 51) still doesn't talk about retiring

[RBee]

I have spent 21 years in India and 26 years in US and have been voting in US elections since 2008 (was never able to vote in Indian elections) ; I follow all rules, I volunteer, I read printed newspapers every day, have participated in PTAs but I still don't feel American by heart or by spirit.

I think that's the reason why natives who are born and brought up here, don't warm to us (naturalized US Citizens).

We have enough Indians in Bay Area (our neighborhood has almost 90% of homes belonging to Indians/Chinese descent) but Yeh Dil Maange More

[desi4ever]

I think that's the reason why natives who are born and brought up here, don't warm to us (naturalized US Citizens).

We have enough Indians in Bay Area (our neighborhood has almost 90% of homes belonging to Indians/Chinese descent) but Yeh Dil Maange More

Trust me , we ( Indians ) are not alone in this regard and for better or worse that's the way we are. We grew up in a whole different value system ( middle class Hindu household with some overly strict rules and regulations and different view of freedom ). It takes 3 generations to get completely acclimatized to the country. So your grandkids will feel more American than your kids. Chinese are obsessed with dating White people and they have been here longer than Indians and that's why you see ABC's more integrated, but Chinese emigrants have the same issue like you mentioned. My wife has only Indian friends, eats out mostly at Indian restaurants, observes festivals Indian style as much as possible and maintains friendly transactional relationship with non-Indians. There are so many of us here that I can even find my comfort zone with my Kannada speaking families. In my neighborhood, Telugus have their own close gang , Tamils have their own and we have our own. Ofcourse we have a common Whatsapp group where we discuss about contractor referrals for AC, plumbing, landscaping etc.

[SAPPORO]

Here's an unpopular opinion! I never felt "Indian" even while living in India since everyone else around was an Indian and feeling Indian had no special meaning and I was also very young! Feeling Indian or Italian or anything else is much more than penchant for food, rituals and sports since well they are just penchants. It's about worrying about the future of the country and feeling at home. In that way I worry about the US much more than I do about India. I don't follow news from India and anything crazy happens I just tell myself "It's like that only"! Not the same with the US, I fret and fume. I don't feel at home and feel like "fish out of water" when I visit India and it's just a vacation destination for me. I understand many are in the opposite end of the spectrum, but more time they live outside, the more they move towards the other end - if not for the future of the country they live in but for the future of their children that live in that country.

For me, the 'Indian" train has left the station, and the final stop is June 12th US Vs India T20 world cup match - never imagined this would happen in a competitive sport that too in a world cup

[desi4ever]

Here's an unpopular opinion! I never felt "Indian" even while living in India since everyone else around was an Indian and feeling Indian had no special meaning and I was also very young! Feeling Indian or Italian or anything else is much more than penchant for food, rituals and sports since well they are just penchants. It's about worrying about the future of the country and feeling at home. In that way I worry about the US much more than I do about India. I don't follow news from India and anything crazy happens I just tell myself "It's like that only"! Not the same with the US, I fret and fume. I don't feel at home and feel like "fish out of water" when I visit India and it's just a vacation destination for me. I understand many are in the opposite end of the spectrum, but more time they live outside, the more they move towards the other end - if not for the future of the country they live in but for the future of their children that live in that country.

For me, the 'Indian" train has left the station, and the final stop is June 12th US Vs India T20 world cup match - never imagined this would happen in a competitive sport that too in a world cup

You may never have felt Indian , but you definitely are a Thamizhan , just like Rajni in his trademark style thanks his thamizh makkal ( enna vaazhavetha tamil makkale or something like that ) in every speech followed by a thundering applause. And in T20s you must be a CSK fan!

[SAPPORO]

Here's an unpopular opinion! I never felt "Indian" even while living in India since everyone else around was an Indian and feeling Indian had no special meaning and I was also very young! Feeling Indian or Italian or anything else is much more than penchant for food, rituals and sports since well they are just penchants. It's about worrying about the future of the country and feeling at home. In that way I worry about the US much more than I do about India. I don't follow news from India and anything crazy happens I just tell myself "It's like that only"! Not the same with the US, I fret and fume. I don't feel at home and feel like "fish out of water" when I visit India and it's just a vacation destination for me. I understand many are in the opposite end of the spectrum, but more time they live outside, the more they move towards the other end - if not for the future of the country they live in but for the future of their children that live in that country.

For me, the 'Indian" train has left the station, and the final stop is June 12th US Vs India T20 world cup match - never imagined this would happen in a competitive sport that too in a world cup

You may never have felt Indian , but you definitely are a Thamizhan , just like Rajni in his trademark style thanks his thamizh makkal ( enna vaazhavetha tamil makkale or something like that ) in every speech followed by a thundering applause. And in T20s you must be a CSK fan!

It might have been said in jest, but I there's a lot of truth in what you said! There's a lot of similarities that I see between TN and the US - be it 2-party system, progressive thinking, scorned conservatism, individualism, honoring and idolizing people deservedly no matter where they come from and so on (all relative of course) - heck they even call the central govt as "Ondriya arasu" meaning "Union govt". Yes, even though I was not born a Tamil, I am a proud Tamizhan and a prouder CSK fan

[ForEverAlien]

I think that's the reason why natives who are born and brought up here, don't warm to us (naturalized US Citizens).

We have enough Indians in Bay Area (our neighborhood has almost 90% of homes belonging to Indians/Chinese descent) but Yeh Dil Maange More

Trust me , we ( Indians ) are not alone in this regard and for better or worse that's the way we are. We grew up in a whole different value system ( middle class Hindu household with some overly strict rules and regulations and different view of freedom ). It takes 3 generations to get completely acclimatized to the country. So your grandkids will feel more American than your kids. Chinese are obsessed with dating White people and they have been here longer than Indians and that's why you see ABC's more integrated, but Chinese emigrants have the same issue like you mentioned. My wife has only Indian friends, eats out mostly at Indian restaurants, observes festivals Indian style as much as possible and maintains friendly transactional relationship with non-Indians. There are so many of us here that I can even find my comfort zone with my Kannada speaking families. In my neighborhood, Telugus have their own close gang , Tamils have their own and we have our own. Ofcourse we have a common Whatsapp group where we discuss about contractor referrals for AC, plumbing, landscaping etc.

We think most first generation immigrants are like this, my daughters who is born here has two sets of friends, 1. second generation Desi kids born and brought up here and 2. White American friends. Though all from the same school, her Desi friends don't have any non Desi friends and do not show interest to come to any events she invites when her White friends are also invited. Most of the time she spends time with them separately.

[SAPPORO]

I think that's the reason why natives who are born and brought up here, don't warm to us (naturalized US Citizens).

We have enough Indians in Bay Area (our neighborhood has almost 90% of homes belonging to Indians/Chinese descent) but Yeh Dil Maange More

Trust me , we ( Indians ) are not alone in this regard and for better or worse that's the way we are. We grew up in a whole different value system ( middle class Hindu household with some overly strict rules and regulations and different view of freedom ). It takes 3 generations to get completely acclimatized to the country. So your grandkids will feel more American than your kids. Chinese are obsessed with dating White people and they have been here longer than Indians and that's why you see ABC's more integrated, but Chinese emigrants have the same issue like you mentioned. My wife has only Indian friends, eats out mostly at Indian restaurants, observes festivals Indian style as much as possible and maintains friendly transactional relationship with non-Indians. There are so many of us here that I can even find my comfort zone with my Kannada speaking families. In my neighborhood, Telugus have their own close gang , Tamils have their own and we have our own. Ofcourse we have a common Whatsapp group where we discuss about contractor referrals for AC, plumbing, landscaping etc.

We think most first generation immigrants are like this, my daughters who is born here has two sets of friends, 1. second generation Desi kids born and brought up here and 2. White American friends. Though all from the same school, her Desi friends don't have any non Desi friends and do not show interest to come to any events she invites when her White friends are also invited. Most of the time she spends time with them separately.

I think it's transitory until ABDs stay with their parents and once, they get out of the house even for college, they will have a mix of friends at the same time. Three personal data points- all the bridesmaids for the totally Indian wedding (both bride and groom, ABDs) I attended last weekend and other "part-Indian" weddings I have been part of were non-Indians, my DS who has close friends from at least 15 countries has never had his non-desi friends over at our house until we had moved out and had a fresh coat of paint, - this despite the fact that he can gorge on Rasam all day and my DD who never had an Indian friend but has a few at her university since she doesn't the mind the mix.
My contentious theory for this is the curry smell in the house and that sticks to their clothes and hair and so they keep the groups separate when they are still under its clutches when living with their parents. When on their own, no need for them to contend with this. I remember reading a piece on this from a London born Desi sometime back and how she overcame this with self-esteem albeit when she started living on her own.

Come on Koi, where are you?

[JINSAKAI]

Trust me , we ( Indians ) are not alone in this regard and for better or worse that's the way we are. We grew up in a whole different value system ( middle class Hindu household with some overly strict rules and regulations and different view of freedom ). It takes 3 generations to get completely acclimatized to the country. So your grandkids will feel more American than your kids. Chinese are obsessed with dating White people and they have been here longer than Indians and that's why you see ABC's more integrated, but Chinese emigrants have the same issue like you mentioned. My wife has only Indian friends, eats out mostly at Indian restaurants, observes festivals Indian style as much as possible and maintains friendly transactional relationship with non-Indians. There are so many of us here that I can even find my comfort zone with my Kannada speaking families. In my neighborhood, Telugus have their own close gang , Tamils have their own and we have our own. Ofcourse we have a common Whatsapp group where we discuss about contractor referrals for AC, plumbing, landscaping etc.

We think most first generation immigrants are like this, my daughters who is born here has two sets of friends, 1. second generation Desi kids born and brought up here and 2. White American friends. Though all from the same school, her Desi friends don't have any non Desi friends and do not show interest to come to any events she invites when her White friends are also invited. Most of the time she spends time with them separately.

I think it's transitory until ABDs stay with their parents and once, they get out of the house even for college, they will have a mix of friends at the same time. Three personal data points- all the bridesmaids for the totally Indian wedding (both bride and groom, ABDs) I attended last weekend and other "part-Indian" weddings I have been part of were non-Indians, my DS who has close friends from at least 15 countries has never had his non-desi friends over at our house until we had moved out and had a fresh coat of paint, - this despite the fact that he can gorge on Rasam all day and my DD who never had an Indian friend but has a few at her university since she doesn't the mind the mix.
My contentious theory for this is the curry smell in the house and that sticks to their clothes and hair and so they keep the groups separate when they are still under its clutches when living with their parents. When on their own, no need for them to contend with this. I remember reading a piece on this from a London born Desi sometime back and how she overcame this with self-esteem albeit when she started living on her own.

Come on Koi, where are you?

I think Koi would join only if necessary input is required, may be I should start a thread "Thinking of getting married Again , Am I crazy ?" ...