R2I Club Member Hangout

RBee wrote: ↑Sat Apr 27, 2024 12:56 pm

I think that's the reason why natives who are born and brought up here, don't warm to us (naturalized US Citizens).

We have enough Indians in Bay Area (our neighborhood has almost 90% of homes belonging to Indians/Chinese descent) but Yeh Dil Maange More

SAPPORO wrote: ↑Tue Apr 30, 2024 7:56 am Here's an unpopular opinion! I never felt "Indian" even while living in India since everyone else around was an Indian and feeling Indian had no special meaning and I was also very young! Feeling Indian or Italian or anything else is much more than penchant for food, rituals and sports since well they are just penchants. It's about worrying about the future of the country and feeling at home. In that way I worry about the US much more than I do about India. I don't follow news from India and anything crazy happens I just tell myself "It's like that only"! Not the same with the US, I fret and fume. I don't feel at home and feel like "fish out of water" when I visit India and it's just a vacation destination for me. I understand many are in the opposite end of the spectrum, but more time they live outside, the more they move towards the other end - if not for the future of the country they live in but for the future of their children that live in that country.

For me, the 'Indian" train has left the station, and the final stop is June 12th US Vs India T20 world cup match - never imagined this would happen in a competitive sport that too in a world cup

desi4ever wrote: ↑Tue Apr 30, 2024 9:38 pm

SAPPORO wrote: ↑Tue Apr 30, 2024 7:56 am Here's an unpopular opinion! I never felt "Indian" even while living in India since everyone else around was an Indian and feeling Indian had no special meaning and I was also very young! Feeling Indian or Italian or anything else is much more than penchant for food, rituals and sports since well they are just penchants. It's about worrying about the future of the country and feeling at home. In that way I worry about the US much more than I do about India. I don't follow news from India and anything crazy happens I just tell myself "It's like that only"! Not the same with the US, I fret and fume. I don't feel at home and feel like "fish out of water" when I visit India and it's just a vacation destination for me. I understand many are in the opposite end of the spectrum, but more time they live outside, the more they move towards the other end - if not for the future of the country they live in but for the future of their children that live in that country.

For me, the 'Indian" train has left the station, and the final stop is June 12th US Vs India T20 world cup match - never imagined this would happen in a competitive sport that too in a world cup

You may never have felt Indian , but you definitely are a Thamizhan , just like Rajni in his trademark style thanks his thamizh makkal ( enna vaazhavetha tamil makkale or something like that ) in every speech followed by a thundering applause. And in T20s you must be a CSK fan!

desi4ever wrote: ↑Mon Apr 29, 2024 9:54 pm

RBee wrote: ↑Sat Apr 27, 2024 12:56 pm

I think that's the reason why natives who are born and brought up here, don't warm to us (naturalized US Citizens).

We have enough Indians in Bay Area (our neighborhood has almost 90% of homes belonging to Indians/Chinese descent) but Yeh Dil Maange More

Trust me , we ( Indians ) are not alone in this regard and for better or worse that's the way we are. We grew up in a whole different value system ( middle class Hindu household with some overly strict rules and regulations and different view of freedom ). It takes 3 generations to get completely acclimatized to the country. So your grandkids will feel more American than your kids. Chinese are obsessed with dating White people and they have been here longer than Indians and that's why you see ABC's more integrated, but Chinese emigrants have the same issue like you mentioned. My wife has only Indian friends, eats out mostly at Indian restaurants, observes festivals Indian style as much as possible and maintains friendly transactional relationship with non-Indians. There are so many of us here that I can even find my comfort zone with my Kannada speaking families. In my neighborhood, Telugus have their own close gang , Tamils have their own and we have our own. Ofcourse we have a common Whatsapp group where we discuss about contractor referrals for AC, plumbing, landscaping etc.

ForEverAlien wrote: ↑Fri May 03, 2024 10:58 pm

desi4ever wrote: ↑Mon Apr 29, 2024 9:54 pm

RBee wrote: ↑Sat Apr 27, 2024 12:56 pm

I think that's the reason why natives who are born and brought up here, don't warm to us (naturalized US Citizens).

We have enough Indians in Bay Area (our neighborhood has almost 90% of homes belonging to Indians/Chinese descent) but Yeh Dil Maange More

Trust me , we ( Indians ) are not alone in this regard and for better or worse that's the way we are. We grew up in a whole different value system ( middle class Hindu household with some overly strict rules and regulations and different view of freedom ). It takes 3 generations to get completely acclimatized to the country. So your grandkids will feel more American than your kids. Chinese are obsessed with dating White people and they have been here longer than Indians and that's why you see ABC's more integrated, but Chinese emigrants have the same issue like you mentioned. My wife has only Indian friends, eats out mostly at Indian restaurants, observes festivals Indian style as much as possible and maintains friendly transactional relationship with non-Indians. There are so many of us here that I can even find my comfort zone with my Kannada speaking families. In my neighborhood, Telugus have their own close gang , Tamils have their own and we have our own. Ofcourse we have a common Whatsapp group where we discuss about contractor referrals for AC, plumbing, landscaping etc.

We think most first generation immigrants are like this, my daughters who is born here has two sets of friends, 1. second generation Desi kids born and brought up here and 2. White American friends. Though all from the same school, her Desi friends don't have any non Desi friends and do not show interest to come to any events she invites when her White friends are also invited. Most of the time she spends time with them separately.

SAPPORO wrote: ↑Sat May 04, 2024 8:24 am

ForEverAlien wrote: ↑Fri May 03, 2024 10:58 pm

desi4ever wrote: ↑Mon Apr 29, 2024 9:54 pm

Trust me , we ( Indians ) are not alone in this regard and for better or worse that's the way we are. We grew up in a whole different value system ( middle class Hindu household with some overly strict rules and regulations and different view of freedom ). It takes 3 generations to get completely acclimatized to the country. So your grandkids will feel more American than your kids. Chinese are obsessed with dating White people and they have been here longer than Indians and that's why you see ABC's more integrated, but Chinese emigrants have the same issue like you mentioned. My wife has only Indian friends, eats out mostly at Indian restaurants, observes festivals Indian style as much as possible and maintains friendly transactional relationship with non-Indians. There are so many of us here that I can even find my comfort zone with my Kannada speaking families. In my neighborhood, Telugus have their own close gang , Tamils have their own and we have our own. Ofcourse we have a common Whatsapp group where we discuss about contractor referrals for AC, plumbing, landscaping etc.

We think most first generation immigrants are like this, my daughters who is born here has two sets of friends, 1. second generation Desi kids born and brought up here and 2. White American friends. Though all from the same school, her Desi friends don't have any non Desi friends and do not show interest to come to any events she invites when her White friends are also invited. Most of the time she spends time with them separately.

I think it's transitory until ABDs stay with their parents and once, they get out of the house even for college, they will have a mix of friends at the same time. Three personal data points- all the bridesmaids for the totally Indian wedding (both bride and groom, ABDs) I attended last weekend and other "part-Indian" weddings I have been part of were non-Indians, my DS who has close friends from at least 15 countries has never had his non-desi friends over at our house until we had moved out and had a fresh coat of paint, - this despite the fact that he can gorge on Rasam all day and my DD who never had an Indian friend but has a few at her university since she doesn't the mind the mix.
My contentious theory for this is the curry smell in the house and that sticks to their clothes and hair and so they keep the groups separate when they are still under its clutches when living with their parents. When on their own, no need for them to contend with this. I remember reading a piece on this from a London born Desi sometime back and how she overcame this with self-esteem albeit when she started living on her own.

Come on Koi, where are you?