Lakshya- This too shall pass...
Posted: Thu Apr 25, 2024 1:51 pm
I was able to pull up a few old posts saved somewhere... I posted my first post in this diary. The original idea was to talk about my initial days in the US, where I have gone through some serious struggles. And how I hated the US for the first few years... I had a serious plan to go back, and that was the main reason I was hooked on the original forum. But the US is like a beach sand sinkhole—the more you try to come out, the more it will suck you in... Now that I have spent more time in the US compared to the time I spent in India...All dynamics have changed... Kids are in HS and college... My wife has nobody left in India... My parents are USC and now spend most of the time in US... My brother settled in the same town. Sister is there, but her one kid is moving to the US... I have no reason to go back to India.. Now we think about different R2i... Once we retire, in October-March, we may spend time in India, assuming kids will be settled in their lives. But no clue when we will be able to retire...
When you don't miss anyone in India, it doesn't really matter if you R2i or not... I happened to be on JFK yesterday to pick up my parents, who were flying back from India... I saw many young couples running and hugging their parents, who were visiting them from India.. In our case, it was normal, like I was picking up my parents from the railway station.. Once they got into the car, from their own Sr. center circle, everyone started calling them about when they were coming back to Sr. Center... They are pretty much in their routing in the US with their own friend circle. We have pretty much a routine with our own circle...Life requires a routine, and it's going well so far. I know with time this dynamics will also change...
Here is my old post... I still remember it as if it happened just yesterday... I'm not sure how I pulled through this mess...
-------------------------------------------------------
Welcome To America:
It was a bright summer day in the month of June. Air India “Agra” was flying at full speed at an altitude of 39,000 ft. I was sitting in the window seat. There was not much to see below. Since the last 6 hrs, the only thing I could see was the Atlantic Ocean. I think it was around 2.30 -3.00 PM when I again opened my window shutter and looked outside. After 6 long hours, I saw a lush green field instead of Atlantic water. The lush-green land below was looking much different than the dry land I used to see from my childhood around me. Soon I realized that was the Land of Opportunity called the United States of America...
I was not excited at all. I was not coming with my stamped H1b and offer letter, nor had I worked hard in India to get my student visa at any American university. So there was no sense of achievement or victory on my side. I was confused-lost 20+yr old boy. I was with an orange envelope and my x-ray from Breach Candy Hospital. All I knew was that I had to give this envelope and x-ray to a customs officer, and I would get my green card by mail in a few days. Yes, I was coming with my immigration visa. The journey of migration to the US in our family started before my birth, and it is still going on. So I was just another number. I grew up with American toys-electronics, clothes, and you name it. Every NRI visit in those days to India was giving me the impression that you go to America and automatically become rich, and there is nothing left in this poor, dirty India.
Air India landed at JFK around 4.30 PM. JFK AirPort was looking very big compared to my Ahmedabad’s SV Patel Int. Airport. One advertisement on the airport form American Express card (which used to be green) caught my attention. -- “Welcome to America if you have Green card You don’t need Visa”
My relatives came to pick me up. They were all very happy to see me. I can see a sense of victory on their faces. The smile on their faces was similar to those smiles we see when we cut through a long waiting line at a public or social event and rejoin with our family/friends way ahead of others in the line. They all came to the US in a different time frame, like the 70s -80s-90s. They all were seasoned NRI. From that day on, the last family who came in the early 90s became Sr. NRI, and I took their position and became a Jr. NRI. I saw lots of other Gujju families around me who were there to pick up their family members. I found something weird; they were communicating in a weird combination of English-Hindi-Gujarati with others. When we Gujju go out of the country, first we try English (we miserably fail there), then we switch to Hindi (better than Gujarati Hua), and then finally nothing works—Be yaar samj to nathi aatlu, shu karvu aanu? (This guy is not getting it; what should I do with him now?).
Ok, so we set out in the van. I have never seen such a big car and a wide road before, so I was impressed. One NRI said, “ In America, you can’t go anywhere without a map. So in a few minutes, we'll take 95 North, and from New Haven, we'll take 91 North, which will take us to our home." I did not know what he was talking about, all I knew was that we were heading to Connecticut.
We stop at a rest area somewhere in Connecticut. I asked, "Where is the bathroom?" “Go and take left, BTW, in America we call restrooms..." okay.. After relieving myself, I was looking for the knob to flush it, but couldn’t find it. Well, first, I am from India, and then I was less than one day old in America, and I am done, so who cares! I just started walking toward the exit, and suddenly I heard the automatic flush. Wow, Impressive! Before I got out of the restroom, I saw everyone washing their hands, didn’t know why they were doing that, but I joined with them. Again, the same problem: the knob is missing!! I just looked at both sides, and they were getting water in the sink. I thought there should be some secret switch or something like that, so I started playing around with the tap. Suddenly, water came from a tap. Okay, so you keep your hands under the tap and water will come automatically! That’s really good. Then I saw everyone drying their hands with this machine. I was quite confident; I kept my hand under the blower, but nothing happened. The guy behind me just pushed the steel knob, and hot air blew.
After having french-fries and soft drinks, my mother's advice came to my mind, "They are all working and busy there, make sure you help them with their day-to-day chores.” Okay, so I took everyone’s tray with trash and went to the garbage can. But I can’t locate the dustbin! The only wooden box says “Thank You." I was so impressed by the restroom mechanism, that I thought everything is automatic in this country. So this box must be a tray cleaning machine. So I dumped all the trays in the garbage can, few people stared at me. But I was quite confident and went out to the parking lot to experience the rest of America….
So finally, we reached home. At night, I tried to sleep, but could not. I closed my eyes, and I saw busy, crowded Ahmadabad’s streets, my Bajaj scooter without a silencer, friends at a tea stall, my painful goodbye to my girlfriend, riding a friend's bike at high speed, and flirting with girls in Navratri. In short, the last four years of reckless and irresponsible life was coming in front of my eyes. Although we had always lived together, the first time I thought about my younger brother and older sister, Thoughts were pouring in my mind, like two years ago, I should not have picked up that fight with my brother. I should not have been rude to my sister on that day!” Damn… it’s too late now..
I woke up early in the morning, though it was the weekend, but again, my mom's advice came to my mind. “Don’t sit like an idiot in the morning, they are all always busy in the morning, so to minimize their work, get up only after everyone goes to work." (My mom had visited twice before I came). So I kept myself in bed for some time. When I woke up, it was around noon. I came out of the room, and after some chitchat, I went on deck with a cup of coffee. The house was situated on a hill. I could see the panoramic view of New England. For miles and miles, only tall trees & dense forests could be seen. I turned around, could see a few houses, I looked on my left again and saw a few rocks and trees! All I could hear was the wind's sound. Only tall New England trees were talking to each other! I said to myself something is wrong, so I paid extra attention to hear noises—again, the only whistle of the wind! Not even the sounds of birds! And not a man in sight!! Come on, I am not used to this. I am used to crowded, noisy Ahmedabad’s streets with tons of people around me. Honking, chaos, traffic, potholes, pollution I belong to that. Why is this place so quiet, like a space? My eyes were getting teary—I asked a question to myself..where am I? And then I took a deep breath and said to myself, “Welcome to America."
When you don't miss anyone in India, it doesn't really matter if you R2i or not... I happened to be on JFK yesterday to pick up my parents, who were flying back from India... I saw many young couples running and hugging their parents, who were visiting them from India.. In our case, it was normal, like I was picking up my parents from the railway station.. Once they got into the car, from their own Sr. center circle, everyone started calling them about when they were coming back to Sr. Center... They are pretty much in their routing in the US with their own friend circle. We have pretty much a routine with our own circle...Life requires a routine, and it's going well so far. I know with time this dynamics will also change...
Here is my old post... I still remember it as if it happened just yesterday... I'm not sure how I pulled through this mess...
-------------------------------------------------------
Welcome To America:
It was a bright summer day in the month of June. Air India “Agra” was flying at full speed at an altitude of 39,000 ft. I was sitting in the window seat. There was not much to see below. Since the last 6 hrs, the only thing I could see was the Atlantic Ocean. I think it was around 2.30 -3.00 PM when I again opened my window shutter and looked outside. After 6 long hours, I saw a lush green field instead of Atlantic water. The lush-green land below was looking much different than the dry land I used to see from my childhood around me. Soon I realized that was the Land of Opportunity called the United States of America...
I was not excited at all. I was not coming with my stamped H1b and offer letter, nor had I worked hard in India to get my student visa at any American university. So there was no sense of achievement or victory on my side. I was confused-lost 20+yr old boy. I was with an orange envelope and my x-ray from Breach Candy Hospital. All I knew was that I had to give this envelope and x-ray to a customs officer, and I would get my green card by mail in a few days. Yes, I was coming with my immigration visa. The journey of migration to the US in our family started before my birth, and it is still going on. So I was just another number. I grew up with American toys-electronics, clothes, and you name it. Every NRI visit in those days to India was giving me the impression that you go to America and automatically become rich, and there is nothing left in this poor, dirty India.
Air India landed at JFK around 4.30 PM. JFK AirPort was looking very big compared to my Ahmedabad’s SV Patel Int. Airport. One advertisement on the airport form American Express card (which used to be green) caught my attention. -- “Welcome to America if you have Green card You don’t need Visa”
My relatives came to pick me up. They were all very happy to see me. I can see a sense of victory on their faces. The smile on their faces was similar to those smiles we see when we cut through a long waiting line at a public or social event and rejoin with our family/friends way ahead of others in the line. They all came to the US in a different time frame, like the 70s -80s-90s. They all were seasoned NRI. From that day on, the last family who came in the early 90s became Sr. NRI, and I took their position and became a Jr. NRI. I saw lots of other Gujju families around me who were there to pick up their family members. I found something weird; they were communicating in a weird combination of English-Hindi-Gujarati with others. When we Gujju go out of the country, first we try English (we miserably fail there), then we switch to Hindi (better than Gujarati Hua), and then finally nothing works—Be yaar samj to nathi aatlu, shu karvu aanu? (This guy is not getting it; what should I do with him now?).
Ok, so we set out in the van. I have never seen such a big car and a wide road before, so I was impressed. One NRI said, “ In America, you can’t go anywhere without a map. So in a few minutes, we'll take 95 North, and from New Haven, we'll take 91 North, which will take us to our home." I did not know what he was talking about, all I knew was that we were heading to Connecticut.
We stop at a rest area somewhere in Connecticut. I asked, "Where is the bathroom?" “Go and take left, BTW, in America we call restrooms..." okay.. After relieving myself, I was looking for the knob to flush it, but couldn’t find it. Well, first, I am from India, and then I was less than one day old in America, and I am done, so who cares! I just started walking toward the exit, and suddenly I heard the automatic flush. Wow, Impressive! Before I got out of the restroom, I saw everyone washing their hands, didn’t know why they were doing that, but I joined with them. Again, the same problem: the knob is missing!! I just looked at both sides, and they were getting water in the sink. I thought there should be some secret switch or something like that, so I started playing around with the tap. Suddenly, water came from a tap. Okay, so you keep your hands under the tap and water will come automatically! That’s really good. Then I saw everyone drying their hands with this machine. I was quite confident; I kept my hand under the blower, but nothing happened. The guy behind me just pushed the steel knob, and hot air blew.
After having french-fries and soft drinks, my mother's advice came to my mind, "They are all working and busy there, make sure you help them with their day-to-day chores.” Okay, so I took everyone’s tray with trash and went to the garbage can. But I can’t locate the dustbin! The only wooden box says “Thank You." I was so impressed by the restroom mechanism, that I thought everything is automatic in this country. So this box must be a tray cleaning machine. So I dumped all the trays in the garbage can, few people stared at me. But I was quite confident and went out to the parking lot to experience the rest of America….
So finally, we reached home. At night, I tried to sleep, but could not. I closed my eyes, and I saw busy, crowded Ahmadabad’s streets, my Bajaj scooter without a silencer, friends at a tea stall, my painful goodbye to my girlfriend, riding a friend's bike at high speed, and flirting with girls in Navratri. In short, the last four years of reckless and irresponsible life was coming in front of my eyes. Although we had always lived together, the first time I thought about my younger brother and older sister, Thoughts were pouring in my mind, like two years ago, I should not have picked up that fight with my brother. I should not have been rude to my sister on that day!” Damn… it’s too late now..
I woke up early in the morning, though it was the weekend, but again, my mom's advice came to my mind. “Don’t sit like an idiot in the morning, they are all always busy in the morning, so to minimize their work, get up only after everyone goes to work." (My mom had visited twice before I came). So I kept myself in bed for some time. When I woke up, it was around noon. I came out of the room, and after some chitchat, I went on deck with a cup of coffee. The house was situated on a hill. I could see the panoramic view of New England. For miles and miles, only tall trees & dense forests could be seen. I turned around, could see a few houses, I looked on my left again and saw a few rocks and trees! All I could hear was the wind's sound. Only tall New England trees were talking to each other! I said to myself something is wrong, so I paid extra attention to hear noises—again, the only whistle of the wind! Not even the sounds of birds! And not a man in sight!! Come on, I am not used to this. I am used to crowded, noisy Ahmedabad’s streets with tons of people around me. Honking, chaos, traffic, potholes, pollution I belong to that. Why is this place so quiet, like a space? My eyes were getting teary—I asked a question to myself..where am I? And then I took a deep breath and said to myself, “Welcome to America."
